April General Conference Thoughts

The following was recorded in my Journal on April 1, 2012

The last two days have been General Conference. Once again I feel as if I have been pointed in a  certain couple areas to improve. The one that stands out the most came from President Monson's talk in Priesthood Session. He talked about what our duty is. The duty of the Priesthood. The things that stood out to me was the following scripture reference.

He referred to Doctrine and Covenants 107:99:

"Wherefore let every man learn his duty, and to act in the office to which he is appointed"

The word tat stood out to me was "learn". I am to learn my duty. Not be taught my duty.  must admit to a foolish mode of thinking, many times I complain, vocally and non-vocally, about what I perceive to be a lack of training in certain areas. Home Teaching has been at the fore-front of my mind lately. I feel like I wasn't blessed with incredible consistency when it came to my Senior Companion when I was a youth and therefore I have and excuse for why I am not good at it, but the verse clearly puts the onus on me to lean what my duty is. I am commanded to learn.

Verse 100 even adds to this line of thought.

"He that is slothful shill not be counted worthy to stand, and he that learns not his duty and shows himself  not approved shall not be worthy to stand. Even so. Amen"

Here not only is a command given for the law but a condemnation is affixed. Those (myself) who blame others for their own failings "are not worthy to stand." The Lord did not  leave in that little loop hole that I have been holding onto.

I feel like this is important. I would consider myself in every way a poor home teacher. I go sporadically and I am not always excited if I do go. The Lord seems to be telling me to be better.  The lesson last week in Elder's Quorum was on home teaching and many talks today talked about the effects of home teaching. It seems I know what i need to do I just need to get going and do it. I wonder sometimes why is it so difficult to go Home Teaching or to do anything that for one reason or another I am reluctant to do. I feel it is because I have a lack of desire for responsibility, I would prefer it if someone else made all of the decisions for me. I like the idea of a new calling or responsibility until it comes to time to act, then I have a hard time with it, and I yearn for something else more prestigious and with  less responsibility. I only write this down because I am tired of running from it. I want to be in Elder's Quorum Presidency not because of any desire to help others or strengthen the quorum. No, I like the way it would make me feel about myself. I think that there really could not be an more selfish reason for wanting to be in a position. The Lord knows my heart and sees the part that I afraid to look at. I am completely naked before him. He sees the good and the bad. He knows why I struggle with Home Teaching and callings. He wants me to better. Whats next? How do I learn my duty? I should first turn to the Lord and allow him to spiritually undress me. Allow me to turn my will to his, become his man. Sounds simple. In reality, this may be the hardest thing I will overcome.